these mondays beat me up

it's monday again and i'm so glad it is over soon. i felt like a zombie when i went to school. and when i was in school. and when i went home. actually i'm still feeling like a zombie.
anyway, wednesday was really nice, carina and i slept at sabi

then i stayed at my boyfriend's place from thursday till sunday :) we went to a big flea market in vienna. there were dried kiwis, red and green cheese, old cameras, lots of scarves, fruits i have never seen before in my life and sooo many different and cool things
I NEARLY CRIED because of jealousy! i have to go there soon, with much much money hehe
then we went to a museum
on saturday we went out and the rest of the time we've spent on cuddeling and watching films! :) sometimes it hurts how important he became to me. how much i love him. we experienced so much within this short time, he gives me the feeling to be completly alive. not a single person in years accomplished that. even when we're just going around in the city or in the wood. he just have to be by my side. i don't know how, i don't know why. only that he does. thank you so badly for that. really. i just hope you stay and we can make everything through

today we're together for 3 months, time goes by..
i don't want it to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KA62IuYI6gs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ishj_mmQN74
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhNK8ZxOx_Yi


Nothing is real
I know this cause I made a deal
With the devil
He told me that I was just wasting my time on the moon

So I flew to the sun
Lost track of my soul on the run
Suffering 12 degree burns
I learned that the sun was no fun

So I went back to earth
Tripped and fell in the glorified dirt
Honestly, gravity sees me as a liability

So I held my breath
Til my soul left my body for dead
I ripped through the clouds
To talk with the man in the sky

I said
"Take this for what it is
I think you're a tad bit prejudice
Against the ones like us that are searching for the answers"

He said
"Kid you don't know shit
You should go back home and live
In that quiet little town you left behind"

I'm coming home
Don't you cry (don't you cry)
I'm coming home
Just in time (just in time)

I am a fake
A constant go-getter of fate
I lost track of time
I carried my mind on a plate

I seasoned it well
With acid and M.D.M.A.
Then I howled at the moon
Til the sun burnt out both of my eyes

So I checked my pulse
Standing there white as a ghost
I lacked a complexion
And stabbed my reflection 12 times

So I held my breath
Til my soul left my body for dead
I ripped through the clouds
To talk with the man in the sky

I said
"Take this for what it is
I think you're a tad bit prejudice
Against the ones like us that are searching for the answers"

He said
"Kid you don't know shit
You should go back home and live
In that quiet little town you left behind"

I'm coming home
Don't you cry (don't you cry)
I'm coming home
Just in time (just in time)

I don't know what I've been told
I will sell my soul
To rock and roll

I don't know where to go
I have lost control
Oh, no

I don't know what I've been told
I will sell my soul
To rock and roll

I don't know where to go
I have lost control
Oh, no

I don't know what I've been told
I will sell my soul
To rock and roll

I don't know where to go
I have lost control
Oh, no

I don't know what I've been told
I will sell my soul
To rock and roll

I don't know where to go
I have lost control
Oh, no
-Nevershoutnever/Chris Drew

human skin can be hard to live in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVq-MU7ojVY

everything and everyone sucks. i can't concentrate on school, on what i'm doing, i had a fucking nightmare again, i feel weak and down, i have a bad headache for three days and so on. wah. maybe winter depressions hit me way too hard -.-' i guess i need to relax for a while. my sorrows drowned in watching films, playing video games, cuddling, cocoa, ginger bread and tangerines.. yes this would be definitly great.
and i should be studying right know BUT I FUCKING CAN'T. my thoughts are somewhere else - far far away.
let me show you a picture which describes my mood today quite exactly:


i'm so sorry for my bad mood, i just needed to let it out somewhere.. and i didn't want my bf to suffer because of that haha

but i really wish he would be here right now..
just holding me in his arms

i love you darling..

the beauty you see in me is a reflection of you

it's late and i really should go to bed but i can't sleep so i decided to introduce lukas to you haha i'm already late with telling you but i guess he has stolen my time :) so, this is the superfuckingbeautifulcutie guy: these are just a few pictures, he have to send me the rest because he took the most of them (better camera, f*ucking iphone and so on)

anyway, he became very important to me.. and,well,.. i kinda fell in love i guess .. WHY DO U HAVE TO BE SO AWESOME AND HANDSOME AND GENTLY AND LOVELY AND THIS WHOLE SHIT? HAH?! now i'm about to break myself my heart because i'll go to norway in august shame on me don't want to lose him i've never met such an intelligent and nice guy and i will fucking ruin it. i could stay with him for days, even weeks and he wouldn't annoy me. you have to know, i kinda start to hate everyone who sticks together with me for longer than two days hahaha whatever, goodnight everyone xoxo